How To Have Better Communication Skills In A Relationship [8 Good Tips]
Learning how to have better communication skills in a relationship is one of the best investments you can make.
Relationships are where you will feel the most pain AND the most pleasure. It is my deep desire to help you experience more harmonious relationships. Relationships that are meaningful, fun and authentic.
It is through relationships where your partner and/or other people in your life, mirror back to you, who you really are. Sometimes it is not so easy or fun to see. This mirroring is exactly what causes issues in relationships. It is really that simple.
Becoming more self-aware and giving that newfound awareness a clear, loving, authentic voice will enhance your relationships.
Imagine a lot less emotional suffering in your relationships! That’s what’ll happen when you learn how to have better communication skills in a relationship. As a matter of fact, all of your relationships will get better.
Emotional Pain Caused By
Not Knowing How to Have Better Communication Skills in a Relationship
What are your communication challenges? Do you let your emotions get in the way? Or does your mind get in the way? Do you make up stories in your head only to find out what you were thinking wasn’t quite true or not true at all?
Are you a yeller? Possibly even raging at times to those you dearly love? Then suffer from a shame hangover?
Or do you shut down and wall off giving the silent treatment. If you are the one giving the “silent treatment.” How many days does it last in your household? Think of how damaging that is.
Maybe you are afraid to speak your truth for fear you might cause waves; more of a people pleaser – going along to get along? Avoiding conflict at all costs. If you are keeping your truth from others then you will not feel connected to them. Ultimately you will feel more resentment than connection and that is not what you want… right? Of course not! Not knowing how to have better communication skills in a relationship is hurting you. But it isn’t your fault.
All of these relationship tactics, and ways of communicating, or really NOT communicating, were handed down to you. They are a gift from your parents, grandparents, and ancestors. These patterns of communication and ways of dealing with conflict are deeply ingrained in your psyche. You need support and guidance to practice new ways of communicating to shift this pattern. It IS doable and eternally rewarding.
When you learn these skills you will positively affect all of those closest to you. If you want your child to change or your partner to change, well you can’t make anyone change, but you can change the dance – the interaction between you and another. Because when you change, they have no other choice but to change. It is a powerful thing to witness. And it is really that simple.
8 Tips On How to have better communication
skills in a relationship
- Stay with the current issue.
1. Stay with the current issue.
Often when discussing an issues with your partner, you’ll bring up the past. Past hurts or tresspasses. It’s really important to stay with what’s at hand. Don’t bring up the past.
Bring up the past doesn’t allow a new and better future to unfold. It will hinder it. Stay in the present moment. Stay with what’s currently happening or the issues that is currently being triggered and you’ll find a better way to navigate through it.
2. Reflect back what you hear.
The problem with communication is that you think it has happened when in reality it really hasn’t. There is more room for miscommunication between two people than getting it right.
Understanding each other takes effort and refinement of your communication skills. When you repeat back to the person what you just hear or understood that is a way of making sure you got it right. And you are validating the other person in the process.
All too often, especially during an argument, we just want to get our point across. Stop, listen and reflect back what you are hearing the other person say. This will support care and understanding.
3. Put yourself in their shoes.
Empathy is a necessary skill if you want to be a good communicator. Being able to see, and not necessarily fully agree with, the other person’s side is super important in order to have good communication skills in a relationship.
Learning how to let go of your agenda and just listen is what’s needed to end power struggles.
If you can see their side they’ll return the favor. And you create an environment for creative problem solving.
4. Express your needs not your opinions
Expressing your opinions, especially during a heated argument is the worst thing you can do if you want to develop better communication skills in your relationships.
I don’t think people realize how much of their communication wtih another involves their opinions. And opinions can get you into trouble.
Instead of opinions and trying to get your point across, tune into your needs. Speak from your core needs. This is a paradigm shifter in communication.
5. Take Responsibility
A lot of energy is expended during communication on trying to prove that you are right and the other person is wrong. That the way you see it is the proper way and they just need to be convinced.
That’s part of the blame game cycle. Pointing fingers and not realizing that any challenging situation was co-created.
When you take responsibility for your part in any misunderstanding it brings light-hardheartedness to the relationship.
When you own your part and even eat a piece of humble pie, it creates room for connection. Especially if you’ve been stubborn and immovable with certain issues. Taking responsibility for your part frees up the gridlock for new solutions to come in.
6. Speak with “I” Awareness
Often when I ask one of my students, “What do you need?”, a common answer is, “I don’t know.”
It’s easy to see what the other person needs to know or do. But you can’t control another person. If you want to be a better communicator you need to develop what I call, “I awareness.”
Good communication involves speaking from the wisdom of your body and not the logic of your head. It’s going to be the softness of your heart that’s going to create peace between you and another.
When you become aware of what’s happening in your body and are able to access the wisdom and give it a voice, i.e. process your emotions, you’ll communicate in a much more grounded and calm way. You’ll be less triggered and dramatic. That’s what’s required for good communication.
7. Not Black and White but Gray
All too often we speak in black and white. It’s either good or bad. There doesn’t seem to be anything inbetween.
Good communication requires compromise. It requires finding solutions in the middle. Taking all things into considersation and addressing each others core needs.
It doesn’t have to be one way or the other. It doesn’t have to be what you want with sacrafices what the other person wants. We are creative beings. For any given problem there are a multitude of solutions.
Getting away from the ills of black and white thinking will free you from power struggles and help you find solutions.
7. Less is More
Going into an important discussion can bring up all sorts of emotions. You mind will start to race and it’s easy to lose sight of things.
Good communication doesn’t require lots of talking. If anything it really requires more feelings. Tuning into each other.
The idea of less is more is a good modo for good communicaiton. You don’t have to say a lot whne you are clear on your core need. And help the other person get clear on their core need.
It’s not necessary to get into all the minutia and details of what happened or who’s wrong, whose right etc. If you both can discuss the issues from a place of knowing your core needs, the conversation will be more simple and even more heartfelt.
Again, it will create a space for better problem solving between yourselves.
Those are the tips. I hope you take these to heart and give them a try. I want to urge you to practice, practice, practice. Here are 7 other tips on how to improve communication in a relationship
The main part is becoming more aware of your communication. That’s where you’ll begin to shift the behavior and your relationships will transform.
The hardest part is to have the courage and discipline to practice, practice, practice. That’s how you have better communication skills in a relationship. Let your closest relationships be your practice partners.
What resonated most with you in this article and why?
What can you apply in your life right now?
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Thanks for being here and for adding your perspective.
I’m Anna-Thea, an author, and Certified Divine Feminine Educator. I teach a new model of communication call Heart Talk. It’s an online course that will teach you what’s in this article and so much more. Communication is key when it comes to creating more fulfilling relationships. Click here to find out how Heart Talk will transform your relationships.