The #1 Concept to Know on How to Feel Heard And Understood
Want to know how to feel heard and understood? Start using “I” statements! And stop “you’ing” people!
We all want to be heard and understood. But are you letting others in on what’s happening with you? That’s the only way you’ll ever be heard and understood.
In this article, I’ll share with you the key concept and communication shift you need to cultivate if you want to feel heard and understood more often.
Think about it… do you often let others know what they should be doing. It would be good for you to learn some feminine energy traits to be heard and understood because softening (and not overcontrolling) supports better communication. And still, I know how frustrating it can be when others don’t seem to get it.
Trying to communicate something to your partner and your partner never seems to get it. Going around and round. Then getting defensive instead, saying in an impatient tone – “We have talked about that so many times. Aren’t we done yet?” And basically getting nowhere with the situation.
Another common issue is being afraid to speak your truth. Maybe you’re afraid to speak your truth for fear you might cause waves. More of a people pleaser – going along to get along. Avoiding conflict at all costs. This is very common in relationships.
Have you been taught to put up and shut up? Or to put on a happy face?
If you’re keeping your truth from others then you’ll not feel connected to them. Ultimately you’ll feel more resentment than connection and that’s not what you want… right? Of course not!
When you practice better communication skills you’ll positively affect all of those closest to you. If you want your child to change or your partner to change, well you can’t make anyone change, but you can change the dance – the interaction between you and another. You can improve your communication in your relationships. It just takes greater awareness and commitment. And it is totally worth it!
And that’s exactly what I teach you to do. Because when you change they have no other choice but to change. It is a super powerful thing to witness. And it is really that simple. But it first starts with you.
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The Biggest Communication Tips
To Be Heard And Understood
Take back your power by learning how to speak your truth in a loving, compassionate and graceful manner. Learn this most important communication skill. It’ll help free you from unnecessary emotional pain.
Speak from Within
Stop micromanaging others and start tuning into you. Start to speak in a way that lets people know what’s really going on. Make it all about you by using “I” statements.
“You” vs “I”
“I feel hurt” is quite different from “You hurt me”
“I feel hurt” is about how you feel. “You hurt me” is about blame. There is a big difference! Especially if your desire is to be heard and understood. You want to choose words that don’t put people on the defensive.
Use “I” statements when communicating. Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements is a way to communicate without blame. Authentic and loving communication uses “I” statements. It’s not selfish and doesn’t mean you care only about yourself. I” statements are direct and honest. “I” statements are a way to take responsibility for how you feel and actually take back your power.
3 Examples of “I” statements
- “I feel hurt.”
- “I need more support.”
- “I would like time to myself.”
You’re not blaming your partner for your feelings. “I” statements are factual and non-judgmental. Nobody can take away your reality. And “I” statements help you get more connected to you. They also help you to let others know what’s going on with you. They help you to be heard and understood more accurately.
For example, “I need gentleness” is an “I” statement, as opposed to saying, “You always yell at me,” which is a “you” statement that is blaming and creates defensiveness.
The word “You” is of course NOT a negative word, however, when used to victimize, judge, blame or control as in the statement, “You are mean” (instead of saying “I feel hurt”), your words become an attack that doesn’t nurture connection.
It’s a way of speaking where you place the blame on the other person for causing your feelings. In that phrase, “You are mean.” You’re not taking responsibility for your feelings. From this perspective, “you” statements are more self-centered and selfish than “I” statements.
Heart-centered communication – shows vulnerability “I feel hurt” is vulnerable. “You are mean” or “You hurt me”, are attacking and far from vulnerable. You need to be willing to be vulnerable if you want true connection.
Using “I” vs “You” in this manner is a small detail that will make a big difference. According to Psychology Today “I” statements can prevent defensiveness.
From today forward become aware of this simple skill of using “I” statements when you communicate with others. Become aware of when and how you use the word YOU. Make a conscious effort to not YOU people. You’ll have a lot more peace in the relationship and you’ll increase your chance of being heard and understood.
What’s your next step on how to feel heard and understood?
What can you do to start practicing these communication concepts? What challenges will you face in doing so? Leave a comment below and let us know. Remember, share as much detail as possible in your reply. Many women come here for inspiration and wisdom. Your comment may provide support to someone else.
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I’m Anna-Thea an author and educator. I am passionate about helping women speak up for themselves. If this article resonated with you and you would like to be a better communicator check out my free course Discover How to Really Feel Heard and Understood. It will help you get your needs met in relationships.