the elephant in the room - a woman on her bed and connecting with an elephant

Simple Steps for Addressing the Elephant in the Room

Discover these steps for addressing the elephant in the room and create more intimacy and connection in your relationships. Did you know that the elephant in the room is exactly what’s keeping you from feeling loved?

If you’re avoiding the more difficult discussions in your relationship then you’re missing out on feeling good and feeling good more often in your closest relationships. When you’re able to address the elephant in the room you’ll be able to work through the blocks that keep you feeling separate.

What is “the elephant in the room?”

The expression “the elephant in the room” is used as a metaphor in the English language to represent something that’s obviously there but not talked about.

It can be with a group of people, between friends, or in an intimate relationship – a topic or sensitive and triggering issue that everyone knows about but no one has either the courage or know-how to bring it out into the open for discussion.

So instead obvious issues are avoided because it could make people uncomfortable or even enraged. “The elephant in the room” is a huge block for creating healthy, loving relationships.

The Elephant in the Room Creates Resentments

Though you would think that avoiding the elephant in the room would make for more peace – over time – it just creates more resentment.

Issues don’t go away if they are kept in the dark. It’s when you have the skills to discuss them in a peaceful way that will shed light on difficult situations and misunderstandings.

And the misunderstanding can actually be there due to totally wrong assumptions. These wrong assumptions are what is true poison to relationships.


A husband comes home late from work. The wife is convinced he’s having an affair. But he was actually late because he was shopping for her birthday present. She’s afraid to ask him where he was. And he won’t tell her because the gift is a surprise. She stays fearful and concerned because of her incorrect and destructive assumption. And he has no clue.

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What are Your Elephants?

How many elephants do you have in the room regarding your closest relationships? What discussions are you avoiding? And how has avoiding those discussions caused you unnecessary pain?

How “connected” do you feel in your relationships? How important is connection for you? That includes your connection with yourself. Is intimacy and being authentic of great value to you?

Have you felt there is something you want to express or discuss but are afraid to approach the topic with another?  

You might even experience a pit in your stomach because of it and avoid the topic, fearful you will rock the boat. Still, somehow you know that addressing the issue in a heartfelt way would bring you closer to the other person.

Elephants Get in the Way and Keep You Distant

They can make you feel isolated and keep you from feeling alive in your body. However, there is a beautiful yogic symbology of the elephant. According to yogic traditions, elephants are the removers of all blocks. In other words your elephants, the elephants in the room, can be your best friends.

They stand there only to remind you that there’s something you need to address if you want to cultivate more intimacy and connection in your relationships.

The elephant in the room can lead you to living a life that has communication, cooperation and therefore co-creation. That is what I want for you. To live a life where you feel more sensually alive in your body and open in your heart. Creating relationships that are kind, caring, and understanding.

Elephants in the Room Block Your Ability to Love

But how can you live a fulfilling and happy life when those darn elephants in the room are blocking your energy, bringing you down, and closing you off from love? Unaddressed issues are poison to good relating.

But chances are, you weren’t given the tools for good relating. You didn’t learn how to be more open and free in your relationships. Instead common relating patterns are feeling guarded, apprehensive, and assuming the worst. Trusting another when you’ve been hurt in the past is a big block to intimacy and healthy relationships.

Getting the tools to address the elephant in the room productively and putting those tools to practice will create more love in your life. You’ll feel more connected to those you love. You won’t carry around heavy energy. And it’s your closest relationships that give you an opportunity to practice better relating every day. I call them your practice partners.

You Have Power in Your Relationships

I want you to know that in each moment you have an opportunity to say and do those things that will open or close another’s heart. That’s how much power you have in your relationships and in your life.

If you’re sincere about letting the elephants in the room dissolve the blocks that keep you from connection, you’ll create a lifestyle of healthy living and loving.

This is what I am very passionate about. I am committed to living that way personally and helping others to do the same.  But it’s not always easy. It takes courage, commitment, dedication and taking responsibility for your actions to create this more expanded way of living.

But I will tell you, it’s so worth it. You’ll create more fulfilling connections and free yourself from holding on to bad feelings that naturally will come up in close relationships. Being able to “clear the air” frees you from holding onto things that over time will bring you down.

So start becoming aware of how you communicate or don’t communicate. Do you use passive-aggressive behavior? Do you pretend everything is ok until you can’t take it anymore and then explode? What are your unhealthy relationship coping mechanisms? Become aware of them and choose a different path.

Here’s a quick summary for addressing the elephant in the room instead of avoiding it.

How to Have Difficult Conversations

  1. Be prepared for the conversation.

    Process your feelings first and be ready to discuss the issue in a clear and calm way.

  2. Be Curious

    Go into the conversation with curiosity as opposed to already knowing and assuming what’s going on.

  3. Stay on Topic

    Don’t bring up the past. Stay with the current issue.

  4. Be Kind

    Monitor the words you use and how you say them.

  5. Ask for what you need.

    Focus on what you want and ask for it. Don’t focus on how everything the other person is doing is wrong.

  6. Take clear time outs if needed but never abruptly walk away.

    Abruptly leaving a heated conversation hinders understanding. Stay in the conversation and when it gets to triggering for you clearly state you are triggered and let the other person know you have to step away to center yourself.

  7. Own your part.

    Take responsibility for your part in any conflict. All conflicts are co-created. If you want resolution you need to be able to get beyond blame and move towards co-creation.

This new path and willingness to have those difficult conversations will change your life.

Think about it. Are you currently operating from a place of fear and disconnect – avoiding the elephant in the room? Or can you step into love and connection and let the elephant in the room be your friend. Your guide for removing the blocks that keep you from feeling close to others.

Take a good hard look at the elephants hanging out in your life? Start letting them work in your favor.

If you need help, I’m here to support you in making friends with the elephant by learning how to communicate from your heart. When you do, you’ll create deeper more authentic connections and experience more love and sensual aliveness in your life than ever before.

I’m Anna-Thea, an author and Certified Divine Feminine Educator. If you’re ready to address the elephants in your relationships and improve your communication skills check out my free course How to Feel Heard and Understood.

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