Why Relationship Advice For Women Is Different From Men’s
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Having an intimate relationship with the opposite sex is often mystifying to say the least. Relationship advice for women and men can often be different and then again, can also be the same.
Bottom line, regarding relationship advice, we all want to be loved and accepted. How we go about getting that need satisfied is unique for every individual. We are all on the path of learning how to open our hearts to each other even if we don’t realize it. This plays out in complex and fascinating ways within relationships, especially between the opposite sexes.
Men and women ARE different. Relationship advice for women IS going to be flavored differently than relationship advice for men. My teacher once told me, the road bump for men, in relationship, is their ego and the road bump for women is their emotions.
Men and Their Ego
A man’s ego will get in the way of his ability to connect and to tune into another. We all have an ego and our egos often do get in the way of intimacy and connection. Though all of us need to keep our egos in check, men seem to hit a bigger road block because of their egos regarding cultivating intimacy.
The first definition of ego is The “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought. http://www.dictionary.com/browse/ego?s=t
From this definition, we can see that someone who is ego centered is not going to have a problem losing themselves in relationship. Quite the contrary. They may have more of a problem tuning into their partner and taking them into consideration.
The third definition of ego, from the same resource, is
Egotism, conceit, self-importance
Again, these personality traits make it hard to create intimacy. When you have a high opinion of yourself, as in conceited, you aren’t perceiving others to be at the same level as you. This creates a disconnect.
Self-importance is not a bad thing but when it is to the exclusion of others being important it gets in the way of connection, closeness and intimacy. This is good relationship advice for women to know.
Examples of someone with a “big ego” could be behaviors such as talking about oneself with little interest in the other, easily getting defensive, not open to new things, or when someone won’t apologize or admit any wrong doing.
These behaviors can easily be displayed by both men and women. Though in general women’s challenge in relationship is more their emotions than their ego.
Women and Their Emotions
We all are emotional. Humans are emotional creatures. And some men are more emotional than some women however GENERALLY speaking, women’s emotions get in the way of intimacy in relationship more than it does for men.
Women have been accused of being crazy because of our emotions. Our emotions are a very important part of our guidance system when we learn how to understand them on a deeper level. And this is extremely important relationship advice for women to get. Your emotions aren’t the problem. How you handle them is.
Drama Queens, Nagging Housewives and over controlling mothers get a bad rap all because our emotions are driving us in the wrong direction. The result is unnecessary misunderstandings and disconnect in relationship.
Letting our emotions get “out of control” throws us into victim behavior which doesn’t support healthy relating with another. That is why learning how to deal with your emotions in a productive way is crucial if you desire connection and intimacy.
Sound Relationship Advice For Women
Learn to speak from your heart. Learn to give your, sometimes overwhelming emotions, a centered, clear and grounded voice.
Your emotions are an important part of being a woman, honor them. It is crucially important to learn how to navigate your emotions in a productive way. Your emotions are your guidance system. They present themselves for a reason, wanting to let you know that something is out of balance in your life that needs to be tended to. That is a good thing.
Do not repress your emotions, they will simply come out sideways in what I call the 3D’s, Disease, Drama and Depression.
Mastering Your Emotions as a woman is a must. It is also a lifelong process and doesn’t happen over-night. Getting the skills, tools and know how to navigate your emotions in a productive way is the most important thing you can do as a woman.
Sound Relationship Advice For Men
Learn to tune into your partner. Because women are the ones who birth, they are naturally wired to have keen awareness of “the other.” If they didn’t their babies would not survive.
Good relationship advice for men would be to make a practice of asking their partner questions, become curious of what is going on in their life. Take time to listen in a way that is not problem solving but rather simply offering your presence, support and sincere concern. These qualities sooth a woman’s emotions.
Notice when you get defensive. Defensiveness is a huge block to intimacy. It is like an impenetrable wall. When you get defensive ask yourself, “what part of this situation am I not seeing as yet.” Inevitably, when there is upset in relationship, it is because we don’t have the whole picture.
Women are better at seeing the whole picture. It is the way our brains are wired. Men’s brains are wired to be more focused on one aspect of a whole picture. If you find yourself getting defensive, remind yourself that you are missing information. Be patient with yourself, get curious, stay open and find out more about what is going on instead of walling off to it.
Why relationship advice for women is different from men is because we ARE different in many ways. In general, it is good relationship advice to say, “men pay attention to your ego and women pay attention to your emotions if you want to have healthy relationships.”
With all that said, there is one area where we are the same, we all want to be loved and accepted for who we are. Honoring and understanding differences will help to create more connection in relationship.
Anna-Thea is an intimacy coach. She teaches women how to navigate their emotions in a positive way, giving them tools for greater body awareness and good communication.