How To Tell What Is Good Relationship Advice And What Is Bad
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What is good relationship advice? It is often not so easy to know. When you are seeking good relationship advice, it is when you are in a state of confusion or upset. Or both! You are needing clarity and wanting solutions. Who do you turn to?
Many women turn to their trusted girlfriends for relationship advice. This is both good and bad. Girlfriends have your best interest at heart. At least we would think so, right? But they could also be stuck in the same relationship challenges you are currently in.
Einstein said, “You can’t solve a problem with the same consciousness from which it was created.”
The last time I had a “best friend” was in my thirties. It was so wonderful to have that one special girlfriend in my life. We would meet every Saturday morning for coffee. Guess what we did while drinking our coffee? We complained about our husbands. We felt connected in our misery. We focused on our plight. We expanded on the unfairness of it all. We definitely weren’t giving each other good relationship advice.
Beware of this happening to you when you are seeking good relationship advice and wanting clarity. Your girlfriends, though well meaning, may not always be the best source for good relationship advice. It is up to you to be discerning.
I have some amazing women as my confidants. They are there for me when I need them however there are things to be aware of if you are going to turn to your girlfriends when seeking good relationship advice.
- Do I feel better but don’t get the clarity or solutions I am searching for?
- Does my girlfriend have the same or similar relationship challenges as me?
- Does my girlfriend, in general, have an optimistic, upbeat outlook to life or does she see the glass half empty?
- Does she hold the idea of relationship as a sacred union; one to be treated with great reverence?
Your girlfriend may not have the exact same problems as you but her relationship solving skills may be at the same level. She may have a hard time seeing your mate objectively, especially if she has seen you in emotional pain due to the relationship. And she may not hold the idea of relationship as something that is sacred, instead something that can easily be replaced. I feel that our society has conditioned us to believe that relationships are disposable just like handy wipes or paper towels.
Relationships are to be Honored
I believe being in relationship is the highest form of personal development. When you are in a relationship you are in the fire. Being in relationship is not easy. No matter how compatible you are, you will still have differences. Have we, as a society, learned how to honor other people’s differences? Look at the many social and political conflicts occurring to answer that question. Honoring others, even if you don’t agree with them, isn’t something most of us have learned to do.
Let’s face it, we didn’t have the best role models when it comes to showing us how to have conscious equal partnerships in our love relationships. Even if you had great parents, did they have the ultimate love relationship? Probably not.
We are all learning how to love and honor each other on this planet. I believe peace on this planet will not magically happen at some global summit, it is a slower process that is being birthed in the hearts and homes of intimate relationships.
Because relationships are not always easy and because conflicts often seem unsurmountable, I believe everyone needs good relationship advice. Everyone needs a cheerleader. Everyone needs warm fuzzies of encouragement to let them know they are making progress. Otherwise you get discouraged and can easily give up on the relationship but still remain in it. That is the worst, because then the relationship becomes lifeless.
Instead of lifeless what we need is to learn a whole new way of living and loving. What we have learned doesn’t work. Advice that gives you new ways, new ideas and new beliefs supporting each person’s full potential is good relationship advice for sure.
Good relationship Advice has this in Mind
If you are asking yourself, “what is good relationship advice and what is bad”, make sure the advice has this in mind. Does it challenge your belief systems in an expansive or consciousness raising way around what it means to be in a relationship? Does it hold relationship as the highest form of living instead of thinking it is disposable? Does it develop a sense of reverence and honor for the relationship? Does the advice include equal mattering as well as each person taking responsibility for their actions? Is the advice free from blame and shame? And, not to forget, does it take into consideration the relationship you have with you, increasing your sense of self-love? If you can answer yes to these questions then you are receiving good relationship advice.
Bad Relationship Advice
You know you are getting bad relationship advice when one person is depicted as wrong and the other person right. When you are not being challenge to stretch a little outside your comfort zone. When it is rigid, black and white and not taking each person’s individual needs, hopes, dreams and desires into consideration. When the advice given is more of a barricade, completely walling off another instead of keeping your heart open and cultivating the necessary self-love to create a healthy boundary.
Remember, when you are in a long term committed relationship, you are in the highest form of personal development. It is easy, when challenged in the relationship, to lose perspective. That is why having good relationship advice from a trusted and qualified person is extremely valuable and even necessary for the health of a relationship. It can often make the difference between a couple splitting up and a couple finding common ground and a more loving way to be together.
Anna-Thea is an intimacy coach. She understands the profound challenges relationships go through. If this article resonates with you and you would like to find out more about how to get good relationship advice and create more honor and reverence in your relationships visit www.annathea.org or www.leaderoflove.com