3 Reasons Why Women Are Uncomfortable With Sexual Intimacy

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3 Reasons Why Women Are Uncomfortable With Sexual Intimacy

Reasons why women are uncomfortable with sexual intimacy; the answer to this question is not simple. Women are complex therefore wouldn’t the answer to this question be complex? My intention is to simplify this answer as much as possible and bring more clarity to the dilemma many are faced with in the bedroom. Women are just as sexual as men. We are all sexual beings. Sex and sexual expression is a normal and healthy part of being human. Sex is about the uniting of energies, a coming together.  Imagine being uncomfortable with sexual intimacy. That must be painful for a woman when she finds herself in such a situation. Especially if it is with someone she dearly loves and cares for. How many women are suffering from such a situation. Why is this happening? What can be done about it? This article will explore 3 big reasons why women are uncomfortable with sexual intimacy. Sex and sexual intimacy, especially in a heterosexual union, means a coming together of opposites. A man’s body and sexual nature is quite different than a woman’s body and her sexual nature. Everyone’s sexuality is as unique as their fingerprint however there are general differences between men and women when it comes to our sexuality and sexual needs. There are many reasons why women are uncomfortable with sexual intimacy. I would like to discuss three very common reasons.  
  • We think something is wrong with us.
According to sex therapists, the number one complaint that women say regarding their body and their sexuality is that they believe there is something wrong with them. When I found this out I felt extremely sad. Unless you have a medical issue, the idea that there is something wrong with you and your sexuality is the furthest thing from the truth. I believe a woman’s sexuality is just the opposite. A woman’s sexuality is all that is right in the world. When a woman looks at her sexuality with a high level of self-respect and reverence she operates completely differently in intimate relationships. She owns her sexual nature and claims it has her own. She isn’t apologetic about who she is as a sexual being and knows that her unique sexual nature is a special part of her personal expression.   Societies Definition of a Woman’s Body is False She has come to this conclusion because she has educated herself about her body and her sexuality and has confirmed what she suspected all along… that societies definitions of a woman’s body and her sexuality are false. She unequivocally knows not to buy into societal beliefs that confuse or disempower her and her relationship with her body. And instead chooses to continue her own personal inquiry to discover the unique and special mysteries her sexuality holds for her. Through this personal inquiry, she has learned how to feel comfortable in her body. If you do not do your own personal inquiry through education and support and feel there is something wrong with you it will literally cripple you in the bedroom. It cuts you off from your ability to open up when you are busy being self-critical, confused or always wondering if how you are, isn’t the way you are supposed to be. It stops you dead in you tracks and puts a wall between you and the world of intimacy connection and pleasure. I want you to know that your sexuality is as unique as your fingerprint. It is perfect whole and complete just the way it is.  
  • Can’t get out of your Head
Besides women thinking there is something wrong with us, we also have a mind that won’t stop. Our minds are busy! An over active mind during a sexual encounter will make a woman inhibited and uncomfortable with sexual intimacy. The sex act for her becomes a thinking experience instead of a feeling experience.   Women’s minds are different than men’s. On a biological level, we have more connective tissue between the left and right hemispheres of the brain. You know how they talk about a man having a one-track mind? It is true. Because women, on the other hand, have six tracks. We have more tracks that need to slow down to experience pleasure in the bedroom. You might wonder what I mean by getting out of your mind or slowing down those tracks. Let me give you an example. If you are in the bedroom having sex with your partner and you are thinking of the laundry or afraid the kids might come in, then you are in your head and not in your body. Or if you are thinking to yourself, “Do I look good”, instead of having an experience of feeling good, then you are in your head. The sex act is one of sharing your body, your whole body, not just your head. If you can’t slow down your mind and be in your body then you will definitely have a hard time feeling comfortable with sexual intimacy. And you will miss out on a whole lot of pleasure!  
  • Past Sexual Abuse
In writing an article about why women feel uncomfortable with sexual intimacy I couldn’t exclude the subject of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse is an extremely sad phenomenon in our society and more common than most people know. If you have been sexually abused I do not have a one stop shop solution for you. I believe overall, as a culture, we are all healing sexually and raising our capacity to feel comfortable sharing our bodies with another. A history of sexual abuse definitely hinders a woman’s ability to feel comfortable sexually and establish true intimacy with another.   If you were a little innocent girl and had to deal with an adult becoming sexual with you, that imprint is there with you for life. You can love it into wholeness however the imprint it created will never go away. It is part of you. A sexually abused woman needs lots of love. These past experiences can easily block a woman’s ability to trust. It can also cloak her authentic sexual expression and instead she may have learned how to use her sexuality as a tool to get things. Things like safety, security and attention. Sexual intimacy is just that… intimate. Sexual agendas or sexual favors where a woman uses her sexuality to get things in the material world is not conducive to intimacy. She can engage in disembodied sex however truly connecting with another on an intimate, vulnerable level, due to her past trauma, can be scary for her. And she may or may not consciously realize this. Being sexual with another, in essence, is an extremely vulnerable act. It is the closest you can come to another on a physical, spiritual and emotional level. This amount of closeness requires an environment or container that is safe. For many, the sex act is going through the motions of getting each other off. If you want to feel truly comfortable with sexual intimacy it requires trust, safety and mutual respect. It requires communication, caring and a deep sense of consideration. It requires presence, conscious touch and a sincere interest for connection. The act of sexual abuse trespasses all of these concepts. If sexual abuse is part of your personal history please be gentle with yourself. You are probably suffering from sexual shame and it is holding you back from connecting with another authentically. The shame must be healed. It is healed through forgiveness and shedding light and compassion on the part of you that is stuck in the past. Seek the support and sexual healing you need in order to free yourself from this past trauma. It is important for you to know that this experience what not your fault. Also, if you have never shared what happened, it is crucially important that you do. Keeping it a secret is keeping it in the dark. Find personal or professional people with whom you can share what happened. Make sure that who you choose to share this with will give you the compassion and support you need. Love heals. Do what it takes to love yourself back into wholeness and to replace the innocence that was taken from you. Why women feel uncomfortable with sexual intimacy should be more accurately stated as, why should women feel comfortable with sexual intimacy.  When a woman is socialized to: 1) feel something is wrong with her sexuality. 2) Think about looking good instead of feeling good 3) And, has been sexually abused, it is no wonder she doesn’t feel comfortable with sexually intimacy. And this is just the tip of the iceberg! Sexual intimacy is a life-long and deep, personal journey. Learning to feel uninhibited and able to love openly and freely in a way that empowers you is what we are here to learn. It isn’t an over-night process. Freeing ourselves from our inhibitions and limiting beliefs takes education, commitment and time. It takes unlearning old ways and learning new ways. It takes rewiring your lifestyle and your relationship with your body to one that is more loving. It requires learning a whole new way of living and love. One that is more respectful, sacred and honoring. If you are interested in learning more about this new way of living and loving, a way that treats your sexuality as sacred then look into my Feminine Leadership and Self-Love Educational program at www.LeaderofLove.com  

Answering Your Question what does Divine Feminine Mean?

Answering Your Question What Does Divine Feminine Mean

feminine essence The Divine Feminine, though becoming more familiar to many, is very elusive in our society. She is hidden away, probably afraid to make her full debut. She has not had a safe place to fully express herself in our more masculine oriented world. The fact that she has been hidden away, not fully expressed and even repressed is why so many don’t know what the Divine Feminine Means. What does Divine Feminine mean anyway? The Divine Feminine is sacred, sensual and often beyond the realm of day to day living. It is also the positive expression of the feminine side of us that exists in both men and women. We all, both men and women, have a masculine side and feminine side to us. What I am talking about is not male or female per se but rather the feminine and masculine energies expressed in all of us. Think of having both masculine aspects to your personality and feminine aspects to your personality.   Masculine Aspects are: Focused Driven Logical Rigid and Stable Problem Solving “Doing”   Feminine Aspects are: Nurturing Intuitive Fluid and Flexible Receptive Gentle “Being”   Some people have an abundance of masculine energy to their personality. Others may have more feminine qualities to their personality. Women, in general, due to both biological and social conditioning often express more feminine qualities. Though this is not always the case. Similarly, men, in general, due to both biological and social conditioning often express more masculine qualities. And again, this is not always the case. Regardless of whether you are male or female or any shades of grey in between, the fact remains that our culture has an abundance of masculine expressed qualities. We live in a masculine oriented world. A world that is more driven to get things done and make things happen. A world that doesn’t slow down. A world where bigger is better. A culture that values material accomplishment where people are measured by what they own instead of who they are. Or who you are is valued only when you have letters behind your name such as MD, PhD and so on.   The Divine Feminine Has Been Lost It is difficult to know what the Divine Feminine means because very few people have experience it. We have lost our connection to the Divine Feminine. We have forgotten what it means to live by Divine Feminine principles. Living in a fast-paced world has disconnected us from the concepts of receptivity and presence, life as sacred, loving kindness, self-nurturing and allowing things to just “be.” All of which are Divine Feminine qualities. We have precious little time to invite the Divine Feminine. In fact, we will not encounter the Divine Feminine until we return to the place we first met her: THE FEMALE BODY. Yes! Your female body supports the presence of the Divine Feminine.  When you honor, love and respect your body you will witness a return of the Divine Feminine within you. When you think of your body as a scared temple of the divine, no matter what age, shape or size you are the Divine Feminine within you will be revealed. When you hold all relationships as sacred including the one you have with you, the Divine Feminine will be awakened within you. She will come out of hiding when you recognize and honor “her” essence within you. You will no longer ask yourself what does Divine Feminine mean because you will have experienced “her” being expressed in your life, in your relationships and in your body. The problem is, that precious part of you, that wants to come out of hiding, has been gobbled up by “The Image of Woman” in our society. The Divine Feminine essence within you has nothing to do with what our culture defines and says a woman should be. We have turned things around and upside down. Our values have become distorted. We have lost our way. Even if you do not buy into these values, they are consciously and unconsciously expressed in our world. There is a pressure to conform. A woman should…
  • Have a perfect body
  • Never Age
  • Look “Pretty”
  • Have her emotions in check
  I want you to know, what it means to connect to your Divine Feminine essence. It is that part of you that is wild, free and sensually expressive. It is that part of you that is uninhibited yet wise. It is that part of you that is filled with gratitude because you realize how sacred life is.   Stop Buying into Societies Definition of Woman In order to understand what the Divine Feminine means you have to release old belief systems, let go of cultural conditioning and tap into the beauty, grace and uniqueness of YOU. Your Divine Feminine essence is going to express itself different than another woman. There is no such thing as One Size Fits All. The Divine Feminine within you knows you are a unique and important part of the whole. What this means is stop being anyone else other than you. No one can be you better than you. Don’t be a poser or imposter conforming to societal norms. Especially the norms that keep you confined and insecure as a woman. Come out of your box. Allow yourself to celebrate your female body. Connect to your playfulness, sensuality and erotic innocence. Stop hating your body and how you look. Stop judging yourself from the outside in and learn how to feel good from the inside out. Then the Divine Feminine will no longer be a mystery to you. I believe that each woman’s own personal and unique discovery of the Divine Feminine within will benefit not only her but society as a whole. If you would like to learn more about how to discover the Divine Feminine essence within you and have a more loving relationship with yourself check out Anna-Thea’s educational program where she teaches women The Art of Feminine Leadership and Self-Love at www.LeaderofLove.com

How to Take Care of Yourself Emotionally

 

How to Take Care of Yourself Emotionally

Do you find yourself overwhelmed, over worked and undervalued? Does life seem so fast paced that you can’t keep up? Are your relationships suffering because of it? And does it seem that no matter how much you try, you have a sense that all your efforts just aren’t good enough? hand on heart Not knowing how to take care of yourself emotionally is a big problem in our culture. We live in a culture that has a supersize mentality. It has been instilled in us that bigger is better and striving for more is what we should be doing. It is the great American way. If you don’t have a McMansion with a three-car garage you have not made it yet. Taking Care of Yourself is a Foreign Subject The problem is that with this type of mentality the idea of how to take care of yourself emotionally seems like a foreign subject. Most people don’t even think about taking care of themselves emotionally. They are too busy working, shopping and wishing for more. And still, with all the striving for more, there is an emptiness that comes from such a mindset. Anxiety disorders are the most common illness in America https://www.adaa.org/about-adaa/press-room/facts-statistics And depression is often accompanied by anxiety. In addition to anxiety and depression Americans consume the largest number of pain medication in the world. http://www.cnbc.com/2016/04/27/americans-consume-almost-all-of-the-global-opioid-supply.html What has caused this sad state of affairs? We have lost sight of what is most important, love and connection. Love and connection are more important than any big diamond ring or fancy sports car you could ever own. But for some people they sacrifice taking care of themselves emotionally and being true to themselves over having these nice, fancy items. They create a lifestyle that is based on looking good instead of feeling good. They forget how to stop and smell the roses and instead stay busy reaching for the next big thing to fill that empty hole. The Empty Whole You Feel Inside The point is that the next big thing will never fill that empty hole. What fills that empty hole is all found within you. Learning how to take care of yourself emotionally is a far greater investment than any McMansion, diamond ring or sports car you could ever have. Having a sense of connection and love in your life will give you the sense of emotional care you are looking for. The depression, anxiety and reaching for pain medication that happens across our nation is because of one big cultural phenomenon; people’s inability to feel their feelings. Not feeling your feelings and instead repressing them is at the root of much of your emotional struggles. Our culture has provided you with built in, ready and available ways to numb out from your uncomfortable feelings. We have happy hours, huge shopping malls, Casinos and 24 hour super markets for example. Over-eating, over drinking, over shopping and even gambling is often right at your fingertips. How can you learn how to take care of yourself emotionally when you were birthed into and brought up in a culture that doesn’t even know how? And what does it mean to take care of yourself emotionally anyway? Your Uncomfortable Emotions are the Key Believe it or not your uncomfortable emotions, if cared for, will bring you more connection, more love, more joy and happiness than you ever dreamed possible. It is in the pushing away of your emotions and not wanting to tend to them that leaves you feeling, sad, lonely, depressed, anxiety ridden and reaching for pain medication or other numbing substance. All of the cultural solutions are outside yourself. When you learn how to reach in, instead of reaching out to people, places and things to solve your problems, your world will transform. Your uncomfortable emotions are there for a reason. They are trying to tell you something. They offer priceless value to help you, if you are willing to listen. If you don’t listen to them and instead repress them or numb them out, they don’t go away, they come out sideways in what I call the 3 D’s, Disease, Drama and Depression.

A Process for Uncomfortable Emotions

I have a process call the 4 N’s that shows you how to feel your feelings and thus really take care of yourself emotionally. The 4 N’s are NOTICE, NAME, NURTURE and NEED. The first part of this process is to notice that you are having an uncomfortable feeling. How often have you had a second or third class of wine or a second or third piece of pizza when you really didn’t need it?  Were you having an uncomfortable emotion that you didn’t know how to take care of? Noticing is the biggest first step in learning how to take care of yourself emotionally. It interrupts the habitual behavior. Once you NOTICE then you can NAME the emotion. There are so many different types of emotions. When working with clients who are learning how to feel their feelings I help them by categorizing feelings into 6 different types – Sad, Mad, Glad, Fear, Numb and Shame. By categorizing them it helps you to distinguish and become aware of the different types of emotions you have. Each emotion has its own unique characteristic. It becomes an art form, learning how to pay attention to all your different emotions and feelings that arise during the day. The next N is to NURTURE. This is at the heart of how to take care of yourself emotionally. Your uncomfortable feelings are energies in your body. They want your attention just like a crying baby wants attention. Feeling into your body, placing your hands on those parts of your body that are emotionally talking to you and giving them your undivided attention is key to taking care of yourself emotionally. Learning how to do this has profound effects on your ability to create loving relationships in your life. The last N is NEED. We all have needs but we have been programmed to think that having needs means we are needy. Getting in touch with your core needs is another big part of learning how to take care of yourself emotionally. Asking yourself, “what do I need.” This is a very empowering question and again there is a fine art to how you answer this question. When you take care of yourself emotionally you stop operating from your blind spots, make better decisions and gain control of your feelings and impulses. Check out my courses if you would like to learn more about self-care and how to nurturing yourself emotionally at www.LeaderofLove.com Much Love! Anna-Thea